How I Was Abandoned In Hell
by Lailglow
Summary: A parody of Supernatural. The story of one of our long-forgotten characters told afresh, from his perspective. Set in reality tv format. Rated T for swearing. Warning: This story might cause mental damage.
1. Intro

**This is a new story I'm trying out. It's a parody of SPN, co-written Meeseproductions. Please read and review. This story is already highly amusing to write, and I hope you think the result is fabulous.**

I want everyone to imagine something.

Pretend supernatural has just ended. The show is over, Sam and Dean are alive.

The two are walking down a road, into the sunset. The Screen fades to black.

The ominous words 'the end' appear on the dark television, two words that can never be changed.

The letters fade, and all of the sudden, out of the inky blackness, four words are spoken.

Four words in a voice you know so well, the voice of a pie-loving, badass hunter who pisses off half the things he hunts and is probably one of the best big brothers ever.

"Shit, we forgot Adam."

Cut to black again. You sit there, wondering if that was real, if you should even pay attention.

Should you?

Maybe not. But a show you like well enough is on next anyways, so you let the commercials play out while you think about what those four words might have meant.

Maybe they were just a way for the writers to end the show in their own particular way. Maybe they were the signs of a spinoff. Maybe you were hallucinating.

You weren't.

A message from the TV blares from the screen, drawing your attention. The KTLA 5 news has been canceled for that night. There will be a new show taking its place.

A reality show. A show, they say, that is a parody of one of the longest-running shows in TV history.

 _Doctor who?_ You think. No, that isn't possible. That show is still going, as it would figure.

The CW opening flashes on the screen, a prelude to whatever show comes on next. What new show could they be—oh.

Your mind flashes back to a week ago, a trailer you barely paid any attention too, you were too busy thinking about the previous trailer for Supernatural's final episode.

A new show begins, the screen still ink black. You frown in confusion—is the TV broken?

Seven words. That is all it takes. Seven words for you to jump off the couch, sit on the floor, schooch closer to the TV.

Is this what you think it is? Maybe, just maybe, is this really going to be what you think it is?

Seven words. Seven words now permanently etched into your memory, no matter how much you try and forget. A show that you will likely continue to watch, no matter how weird, for the simple familiarity of it, of its characters, who you haven't seen in so long. Most of whom you probably hate, but no matter, not now.

Seven words.

"Hi, I'm Adam. I'm stuck in hell."


	2. Adam's Story

**Two chapters on the same day! This is a record-let's just hope it lasts. I promise I'll try and update this one regularly-I know I said that about my other stories, and they STILL aren't updated-something I apologize for. However, I have my best friend to encourage me on this, so keep your fingers crossed that that's incentive enough.**

 **We apologize in advance for bashing these characters. It is in the name of humor, and though we love the show, it is always fun to torture the characters. We are depraved human beings.**

 **Please read and review.**

"Hi, I'm Adam. I'm stuck in Hell."

You may have heard of my brothers, Sam and Dean. They are complete dicks. I mean, you watch their TV show right?

They got their own show, meet an ANGEL, somehow stick together despite everything. Me? I'm forgotten. In HELL. Doesn't exactly give you a warm, brotherly feeling now does it?

An amount of years ago that I can no longer remember (time works differently in hell. Don't let that fool you-the reason I can't remember is I've been here since season five, however many years THAT'S been) I was abandoned. Stuck in hell. And i'm not alone.

I'm not even in the FUN part of hell. Demons torturing souls, bothering Crowley, talking about how they plan to take over the world. I'm stuck in the CAGE. With Lucifer and Michael. And let me tell you, those two never SHUT UP.

Sam was here for awhile. I mean, normally, i'd be happy, right? My brother, here! 140 years or so to spend time with him!

That isn't even CLOSE to what happened.

Lucifer spent ALL of those years paying attention to (aka torturing) him.

(Ah yes, Sam was so much fun to torture.)

(Shut up Lucifer, this is my story.)

Why does nobody like me? Am I chopped liver?

Then Dean rescues him and forgets ME. Of course, rescue Sam. The baby brother. Forget your HALF BROTHER WHO IS STUCK HERE WITH TWO ANGELS WHO WONT SHUT UP.

(Excuse ME, we have been nothing but kind)

(Michael, if you don't shut up, I will tell Lucifer that you were lying this whole time and that you really love him and he should tell you about all the years he spent in hell)

My daily routine is pretty normal now. Wake up, try and ignore the other two morons stuck in here with me (both of you. Not just Lucifer. not just Michael. BOTH of you) try and get an hour or so of sleep. Tortured souls screaming makes for a lovely alarm clock.

Sometimes one of the demons will take pity on us and find a way to sneak us coffee. 'Course, this is hell, so it isn't even the good stuff. It's this awful, hotel-brand powdered coffee that we get with a half-melted plastic water bottle that's about 1/3 full.

Of course, there is this lovely succubus who comes by every once in awhile, she's really quite-

(You are as bad as Dean Winchester.)

(I am NOT)

-anyways, she is really quite beautiful.

After the terrible coffee, I keep sitting in the cage. The only difference? My mouth tastes like dead scorpion.

Sometimes tweedle dumb and tweedle dumber bicker about ME, saying I dont care about them and then Michael bursts into tears saying he wishes that he could actually be in CIVILIZED company. Once, I even heard him say that he would rather have a conversation with Sam and Dean than be stuck here. Lucifer never shuts up about that, saying he loves them more than him.

I think the worst part is when Michael and Lucifer heard about Finding Dory. Now all they do is argue about whether or not that movie resulted in Hot Fish Sex and little fish babies.

{Authors Note: Yes, we are really writing about Hot Fish Sex. Believe it or not, some depraved individuals actually wrote about a human Dory and Marlin doing that exact thing. {If one of those individuals reads this-I apologize, I am not insulting you.} But hey, its okay. I'm not actually describing it for you.

Warning: This isn't the creepiest thing we will write all day. If this is disturbing to you, you might want to leave. I did warn you in the summary. pay more attention next time.}

Of course, there was the one time the succubus (her name is Anita) managed to sneak in here. Lucifer and Michael were bickering too loudly to notice.

The result is I am now the father of ten succubus/human children. They will have such a legacy following them. My babies, off to torture people. I'm so proud. I might actually cry.

(Don't you DARE cry. We're basically living in a river at this point.)

(I SAID I was sorry Luci! It was an emotional first few months!)

(Would you two STOP for FIVE minutes?

No, Lucifer, don't...)

(Hey! I wanted to have a turn!)

(Finders, keepers, Mikey. I got the camera now. Its my turn.)


	3. Lucifer's Story

**Fourty six readers ALREADY? I know, it sounds really pathetic for me to be excited about that, but still.**

 **Chapter Three is up! Three in three days! Blame Meeseproductions-its her fault, we're having too much fun writing this.**

 **We haven't written this chapter yet-so brief warning. We're debating on the amount of disturbing content in this chapter, so it could be high or low. Be prepared for either.**

 **We are having a really good time writing this, so we hope you like it as much as we do.**

 **Thank you so much to my two reviewers, three favorites, and my follower!**

 **Please read and review.**

Hi, Lucifer here. My turn to talk.

Adam thinks it is all fun-and-games down here, but I have been here for MILLENIA. JUST because I rebel a little. What, is that trait too human? You see mortal children rebelling all the time, turning against parents or family or friends. It is in their NATURE. So why is it so terrible for me to do the same?

Oh, right. Because I am...was...an archangel. The first four angels. The ones who are supposed to LEAD. To KNOW better.

(That is true, Luci. I still fail to see how you don't understand th-)

(Y'know, I can see why Adam was so annoyed with us talking over him.)

(Thank the gods, does this mean you'll STOP when I get it ba-)

(Firstly, that means you too. Secondly, no, it does not. Annoying you is too much fun.)

Michael is the most ANNOYING cell mate it is possible to be stuck with. He STILL thinks he can boss us around. I have news for you brother dear-we are all in the cage. You have no higher standing.

Adam, by the way, was wrong. Dean didn't get Sam out of hell. Actually, Dean didn't even KNOW Sam was out of hell for a YEAR after he ditched me. And we were having so much FUN together.

(I still have no wifi on my computer)

(Adam, how did you manage to bring your computer with you?)

(I dont even know.)

(What is wifi?)

(Mikey, keep up. Wifi is an internet signal...thing.)

(Ugh, you two are hopeless. How did we get wifi anyways?)

(Sam brought it with him. It was how I was able to post a ton of stuff online. Now will you PLEASE let me continue?)

{Authors Note: I am borrowing an idea from Lampito in this next part, which I will mark the end of. It is from her story I Love to go A-Wandering. In retrospect, I probably should have ASKED before using this, so if this chapter suddenly gets deleted, or edited, I apologize.

With the pleasantries over, please continue your read.}

When I was king of hell, I used to go everywhere. I could visit Hel, go to other realms, annoy other deities...

ah, life was good.

(Hey, wasn't Hel Gabe's daughter?)

(Yeah, from his stint as Loki)

(The norse god?)

(Adam, keep up or go do something else. Seriously.)

{And fic reference over}

And then there's now. I am trapped down here, when I should be ruling hell. Instead that upstart Crowley gets to do so.

Sam would have been the perfect host with which to rule hell. He was the Boy with the Demon Blood. He had rebelled against a father who didn't accept his choice.

Instead, he gets annoying ideas about loyalty. It's so hard to find good hosts anymore. In the days of old, people would have bowed down at the chance.

(No...Mikey, give it back!)

(Mine now!)

(Adam, help me will you?)

(Y'know what...I think i'm going to go over there and stare at the wall. Yeah, the wall is really interesting.)

(You are completely useless.)

Now that you have heard from those two uncultured CHILDREN, it is my turn to tell my story.

(Nope, mine now. You both got your turn.)


End file.
